Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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