Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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