I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
