why didn't you poke me back
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
