Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
