Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
