You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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