I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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