You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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