i barfeds in our rink
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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