sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
