We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
