my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
