there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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