Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
