Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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