started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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