Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
