you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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