i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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