so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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