i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
