Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am one with the molecules
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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