Someone shit on the floor
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Who died my cat blue again?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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