I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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