I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
