How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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