My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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