Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
