Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
