Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
