I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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