Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
