i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
