How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
