So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
