Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
