its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
