I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
