i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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