Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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