best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
