i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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