she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
