dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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