If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
