If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
