I am in a vortex of obligation.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
