How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just want to make out with him forever
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
