I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
