if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
